Where my Slayers at?

So, I have recently been watching Season 3 of True Blood and I keep wondering, where the slayers at? Right now would be a great time for a slayer to come in and dust this bitch.

I mean really. 

With all these vampires,

 werewolves,

 shifters, 

and fairies 

running around Bon Temps, where is the Vampire Slayer? I mean let's think about it. If the vampire gangs had to force alliances and unite against a single common enemy? That would be some good tv. Internal conflict within the groups. External conflict with the slayer. 

Here you go True Blood writers, let me help you with this story line. A Vampire Slayer comes to town. She is hunting down a rogue vamp to Bon Temps. She kills one or two. Eventually Eric or Pam. Yeah, let's go a girl fight. Pam, Queen Sophie Anne or Jessica and the slayer fight. The vamp wastes the slayer. The next closed human woman capable of fighting will inherit the slayer's super powers. In Bon Temps, it will just have to be Tara. She's already got the arms. And, frankly speaking, she could use some super powers because she is always getting smacked around and attacked. If she becomes a slayer, then she'll have a way to defend herself and release some of that much deserved aggression towards the vampires. (I'm talking about you Franklin.) Also, if Tara becomes a Slayer, this is just one more strain on her and Sookie's relationship.

You're welcome True Blood writers. Call me if you want to discuss details...or a fucking job.  

Its like The Hills, but with Accents

Hello Fellow Telephiles,

So, after getting hundreds of emails (not true) requesting a new show in which to channel Obsessive Energy that formerly went to MTV's the Hills and the City, I decided to take put on my detective cap and solve this mystery.

I spent minutes, nay, hours, Google searching the shit out of the Internet. My personal favorite search (which lead me on a journey to the most exciting show coming out of Ireland) was "The Hills, but with Accents." That's right folks, for years I thought that the Hills could be better.

Now, before all you crazy readers go and get your pitchforks and torches to hunt me down, imagine this. Same characters, but set the show in the UK. Whaaaaaaaat? All the same drama, but with accents. That shit sells itself.

So, with that said, in case you haven't figured it out, I discovered a little show making its way out of Ireland. It is basically the Hills but its set in Dublin's hippest area called Fade Street (which also happens to be the title of the show.)

This is Louise. She's like a poor Irishman's LC. Her accent makes her sound smart, but her attitude makes her a real bitch. (Did I mention that she interns for a fashion magazine? Thats like a fucking prerequisite to be on a "reality show" now a days.)

This is Vogue. How fucking hot is she? She's a model and a DJ, and also an intern with LC...I mean Louise. She's the poor Irishman's Whiskey...no wait,...Whitney. (Vogue, if you play your cards right, I smell Spin Off.)

Here's another picture of her- granted less hot, but still, pretty fucking hot. 

Here's the two of them together. In this picture, Vogue looks a little like the Joker. Why So Serious?

Moving on...

Now this is Dani. Not really sure which character she is most like. She's kind of a cross between Heidi and Audrina. She moves into a flat with Louise on Fade Street and is one of the main characters. She has boyfriend drama and then sluts it up. So, I guess she's more Audrina then Heidi. 

And then we have Cici. She's Dani's bff. Not really sure what she does. I think she's a model who sometimes promotes club nights or designs club nights or something involving a club and a night. I found this photo of her. Its model-y. (plus you see nipple, score.)  

But anyway, these are basically the main characters. There are other cast, like coworkers and friends and sometimes friends that are coworkers. Spoiler Alert: There is also a Super Intern just like Emily from New York. You remember her? She was perfect. MTV should have given her a spin off too. "Emily- Super Intern"

"But Joey, what about the formula for the show? Am I going to see B-roll of people on the streets, and close up of feet and dogs being walked and all that shit that producers use to fill up time because the storylines are all so weak?" Calm down, little TV addict. Yes, all that is in the show, plus loads of pop music and outdoor dining/night time drinking.

So, pop a Guinness, warm up some potatoes and drive into this hot Shepard's Pie.

(Note, I think a good 90 percent of my readers are females, so leave me a comment if my male crass goes too far. Some men know the line, others toe it, I dance on it.)



Here's our delicious cast looking all hot and bothered by their new found fame. It hasn't changed them. Not one bit.