AMC's The Killing

@TheKilling_AMC

So this past Sunday night, AMC premiered their latest television show "The Killing." This drama revolves around a dead Rosie Larsen (who was last seen at her school Halloween dance). She is this pretty 17 year old girl living in Seattle who wants to go to college, hang out with her friends and take her little brothers bike riding. A real Doll. (Or is she...?)

 The show follows three story lines: the detectives working the case, the grieving Larsen Family, and a politician running for Mayor. Why the politician is important? We don't really know...yet. He is tied to the case because the vehicle that Rosie was found in, is registered to him and this makes him a suspect. (Also, his behavior is very suspicious. And everyone knows you can't trust a politician.) And speaking of suspects, do we have a list: the rich ex-boyfriend, Rosie's best friend, the politician, one of his campaign goons. Basically, I think the whole city of Seattle and the surrounding area are suspects at this point in time.

The show is a little slow in the beginning but what Pilot isn't besides 24? Just go with it, alright people. Turn in and follow the story every Sunday at 9 PM (I think. Check your local listings). This is AMC. Must I remind you about MadMen and The Walking Dead? They don't let us down. AMC produces shows rich in characters and stories. Great writing and great acting make this enjoyable viewing.  

Ok, Theory Time:
My money's on Rosie's teacher. And here is why: He seems a little too into the whole investigation (and what I learned from watching Criminal Minds is that a killer always wants to insert themselves into the investigation.) My guess is that him and Rosie had this thing on the side. They sneak away from the dance to fool around. Rosie says no, he goes crazy and hits her. She fights back, he kidnaps her (we know that she dies in the woods) and then he kills her. He had some old friends steal a car from the politician's car lot and stuffs her into the truck and sinks the car in the lake. Case closed. You're welcome Detectives.

Will someone slap Max Evans?

So I have recently started watching Roswell on Netflix. Can't really tell you why? I think I started watching it because it seemed very Joss Whedon-esque (and because this is what put Katherine Heigl

and Sherri Applewood

on the map) so I decided to give it four episodes. And sure, the story line is interesting for the most part, the acting is bad (but its a teen drama, what do you expect). I am currently at the end of season 2 (two episodes remaining) and I keep thinking to myself, "will someone please slap Max Evans?" He is the leader of the alien clan and is taking his job why too seriously. He commands his sister to not do something and grabs his ex-girlfriend's arm when she tries to walk away from him. I keep thinking that a good slap across the face would put that little tyrant back in his place.

I will most likely do a show review once I have finished the third season. Till then, "live long and prosper." (not's that right, is it?)

Where my Slayers at?

So, I have recently been watching Season 3 of True Blood and I keep wondering, where the slayers at? Right now would be a great time for a slayer to come in and dust this bitch.

I mean really. 

With all these vampires,

 werewolves,

 shifters, 

and fairies 

running around Bon Temps, where is the Vampire Slayer? I mean let's think about it. If the vampire gangs had to force alliances and unite against a single common enemy? That would be some good tv. Internal conflict within the groups. External conflict with the slayer. 

Here you go True Blood writers, let me help you with this story line. A Vampire Slayer comes to town. She is hunting down a rogue vamp to Bon Temps. She kills one or two. Eventually Eric or Pam. Yeah, let's go a girl fight. Pam, Queen Sophie Anne or Jessica and the slayer fight. The vamp wastes the slayer. The next closed human woman capable of fighting will inherit the slayer's super powers. In Bon Temps, it will just have to be Tara. She's already got the arms. And, frankly speaking, she could use some super powers because she is always getting smacked around and attacked. If she becomes a slayer, then she'll have a way to defend herself and release some of that much deserved aggression towards the vampires. (I'm talking about you Franklin.) Also, if Tara becomes a Slayer, this is just one more strain on her and Sookie's relationship.

You're welcome True Blood writers. Call me if you want to discuss details...or a fucking job.  

Its like The Hills, but with Accents

Hello Fellow Telephiles,

So, after getting hundreds of emails (not true) requesting a new show in which to channel Obsessive Energy that formerly went to MTV's the Hills and the City, I decided to take put on my detective cap and solve this mystery.

I spent minutes, nay, hours, Google searching the shit out of the Internet. My personal favorite search (which lead me on a journey to the most exciting show coming out of Ireland) was "The Hills, but with Accents." That's right folks, for years I thought that the Hills could be better.

Now, before all you crazy readers go and get your pitchforks and torches to hunt me down, imagine this. Same characters, but set the show in the UK. Whaaaaaaaat? All the same drama, but with accents. That shit sells itself.

So, with that said, in case you haven't figured it out, I discovered a little show making its way out of Ireland. It is basically the Hills but its set in Dublin's hippest area called Fade Street (which also happens to be the title of the show.)

This is Louise. She's like a poor Irishman's LC. Her accent makes her sound smart, but her attitude makes her a real bitch. (Did I mention that she interns for a fashion magazine? Thats like a fucking prerequisite to be on a "reality show" now a days.)

This is Vogue. How fucking hot is she? She's a model and a DJ, and also an intern with LC...I mean Louise. She's the poor Irishman's Whiskey...no wait,...Whitney. (Vogue, if you play your cards right, I smell Spin Off.)

Here's another picture of her- granted less hot, but still, pretty fucking hot. 

Here's the two of them together. In this picture, Vogue looks a little like the Joker. Why So Serious?

Moving on...

Now this is Dani. Not really sure which character she is most like. She's kind of a cross between Heidi and Audrina. She moves into a flat with Louise on Fade Street and is one of the main characters. She has boyfriend drama and then sluts it up. So, I guess she's more Audrina then Heidi. 

And then we have Cici. She's Dani's bff. Not really sure what she does. I think she's a model who sometimes promotes club nights or designs club nights or something involving a club and a night. I found this photo of her. Its model-y. (plus you see nipple, score.)  

But anyway, these are basically the main characters. There are other cast, like coworkers and friends and sometimes friends that are coworkers. Spoiler Alert: There is also a Super Intern just like Emily from New York. You remember her? She was perfect. MTV should have given her a spin off too. "Emily- Super Intern"

"But Joey, what about the formula for the show? Am I going to see B-roll of people on the streets, and close up of feet and dogs being walked and all that shit that producers use to fill up time because the storylines are all so weak?" Calm down, little TV addict. Yes, all that is in the show, plus loads of pop music and outdoor dining/night time drinking.

So, pop a Guinness, warm up some potatoes and drive into this hot Shepard's Pie.

(Note, I think a good 90 percent of my readers are females, so leave me a comment if my male crass goes too far. Some men know the line, others toe it, I dance on it.)



Here's our delicious cast looking all hot and bothered by their new found fame. It hasn't changed them. Not one bit.

Sons of Anarchy

Gun running, drugs, rival gangs, motorcycles and a little town called "Charming." This show has all kinds of awesomeness. It came highly recommended and like the worldly gentleman I am, I will give everything a try at least once. I will give any show 6 episodes to hook me. This one took about half of one. It was excellent. One stand out character is Gemma, the matriarch of the Sons of Anarchy. She is a she-wolf who will do anything to protect her family. And I mean "anything." You'll have to rent the first season to find out what I'm talking about. 

US Skins...A weaker clone of the original

MTV Shows

Looking at this trailer for the new US adaptation of Skins I am filled with rage and sadness. I use the word "adaption" in the loosest of terms. What I should say is clone. This new version has the same names (mostly), stereotypes of characters, and storylines. Does changing one thing about a character constitute an adaption instead of a clone?

As a big fan of the UK version (I have the first three seasons from itunes) I am filled with sadness, because this new version seems to be a carbon copy of the original, minus the accents. The oh so wise, Tyra Banks once said, "if you are going to steal from someone, you need to make it better." Well, even though Jamie Britton (one of the creators of the original UK version) is a writer and executive producer he doesn't seem to bring anything new to the table and that is a huge disappointment.  My sadness is then followed by rage. Rage for the simple fact that the writers and producers weren't able to come up with an original story line for this new version, they had to blatantly steal the old one? 

Let me recap for you.
Tony, our lead male, needs to make his best friend, Sid...I mean Stan, lose his virginity strictly on the basis that if Stan is a virgin Tony can't be friends with him. (Are you kidding?) And Tony's slutty girlfriend offers to help by getting her psychology damaged friend Cassie...opps, I mean Katie, so fucked up that all she would just have to lie there, flowing in and out of conscience, while Stan "does his business." Now, let me check something...hold please...looking it up...here it is...yes, I was right...that is commonly referred to as "rape." (Rest assured readers, Spoiler alert, Stan doesn't rape Katie because she passes out, and being the upstanding virgin that he is, he gets the gang to steal a car and drive Katie to the hospital.) And then of course you have all the other characters, with their drug addictions, pressure to be prefect, pregnancy scares, discovery of sexuality and of course, the all encompassing "who am I, and who do I want to be?"

Look at what MTV says about Skins.
As much fun as it is to watch the hi-jinks of the pretty young (and rich) things of the Upper East Side every week, it's sometimes hard to relate to the rarefied world of Serena van der Woodsen and co. I mean, who has that many syllables in their surname? If you've been pining for a teen series that's grittier and more grounded in reality, let me introduce you to MTV's new series "Skins."

Don't even get me started on this ridiculous fucking statement. I can't...I won't...I need to take cool down moment. 

Here, for your viewing pleasure, I have some videos for you to watch while I "chill out" and let my rage lessen. A little, compare and contrast situation for you. Tell me what you think in the comments below.

Look at this trailer for the US version:
src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:uma:videolist:mtv.com:1650336" width="512" height="319" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" flashVars="configParams=id%3D1650336%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideolist%3Amtv.com%3A1650336" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" base=".">


Now look at this from the UK version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlSaMD9Slio


Thoughts? Questions? Comments? Leave them below.

Dear MTV

Please end the misery that is the Real World franchise. The show is a dying horse. Pull the trigger and let's end this.

Joey

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry